I dreamed of you last night
You were so beautiful and so content...
Thank you, Lord, for the reminder that
Those sweet angels who are no longer with us
Are in your arms.

Today's Special: Oiled Shrimp

Ahem... let me just climb up on my soapbox here. I may live in Ohio, but I am a SOUTHERN girl at heart, and I always will be. I grew up on the Mississippi Gulf Coast. I wept after Katrina nearly destroyed it. I weep now as I watch "big oil" doing it's best to finish the job. I am an engineer by training and I studied environmental sciences in grad school. So, I know the issues BP is facing in this disaster.

And I say, "YOU ARE NOT DOING A GOOD ENOUGH JOB!" I say that you've lied since Day 1 about the scale of this disaster. You've bought our politicians and even our local tv station. Excuse me, Gene Taylor, this is NOT chocolate milk. And, WLO-BP, yes, I think it is safe to say that the oil and the dead dolphins and turtles and wreckage are from the Deepwater Horizon.

I resent that the scale of this disaster is being under-reported. I resent that you have made this worse by using a dispersant whose by-products are more toxic than the oil. I resent that the EPA won't let us take steps to protect the wetlands because of the time it takes to get permits. I resent that Mississippi is opening up shrimping season next week. Really, do we need to eat toxic seafood? Is it not enough that our whole ecosystem is being trashed? And the SMELL, I RESENT that God-awful smell! What will it take to wake us up, people?

Walk Around Landen Lake

Yesterday, Michael and I went for a walk around Lake Landen. I pass by it frequently and I thought it'd be a fun outing on such a beautiful, sunny day. Michael really enjoyed the change of scenery (I think he's getting a little bored with our neighborhood). It was a much longer walk than we thought and the trail isn't well marked in some spots, but we made our way around in about an hour. We saw lots of wildlife: geese with goslings, ducks with ducklings, turtles, cranes, and a very surprised cat that was lounging on a tree branch as we came barreling down the hill (Michael thought that was lots of fun).

It's Not Your Turn

Today I took Michael to StoryTime at our local library. He has so much fun! They have a play time after the librarian finishes her program. There are so many kids, and Michael just kind of takes it all in. Today, there were several of those large beach balls in the room for the kids to play with. He was interested in those and went up to this one little girl who had her arms wrapped around a big purple and white beach ball. She started to turn away from him, and I said, "No, Michael, it's not your turn to play with that ball." Well, the lip started to quiver and before I could blink, we had waterworks. I picked him up and he just cried and cried. He was so heartbroken, as was I. I was just telling a friend about that, and it occurred to me that we, as God's children, are often in this same situation. It's not our turn yet, for whatever it is our heart desires, and we are so heartbroken. What a comfort to know that He holds us in his arms tightly as we cry and His heart breaks with ours.

A Few Photos from Mother's Day

Michael had so much fun with his grandma and grandpa!

Here he is playing trains with Mommy. Poor little guy woke up sick, so there was no dressing up or going out. We did have a really nice time just hanging out at home, though! Michael gave Mommy a beautiful set of pearl earrings (Dad did a very nice job of helping Michael!).

Helping Out Around the House

I adore the dimple on his left cheek.

Michael is a huge help around the house. Look how well he handles the laundry basket!

Is This Seat Taken?

Is it just me, or is this rocking chair getting a little crowded? Michael's grandparents got him this beautiful chair for his first birthday. He loves to sit in it every day, particularly when we let him watch a Baby Signing Time video (which is really the only tv we allow him to watch). He has recently taken to sharing his chair with his buddies. There is a green frog that Elizabeth gave him and Scout the talking dog. He usually also has his sippy cup with him, too. He watches tv in style, that is for sure!

A Mother's Day Prayer

Mother's Day has been a bittersweet day for me over the last several years. Losing my mom, struggling to become a mom, having a child, and losing 2 children have made this day an emotional one for me. In praying about Mother's Day this year, I asked God to give me the strength to celebrate what is good and honor what is gone. He gave me this poem, so I wrote it. I am by no means a creative writer, so it's not exactly artistic, but it is from my heart and what God gave me to say. I feel a little vulnerable sharing this, but it occurred to me that God never wastes anything and maybe someone else needs to read this. So here it is...

Lord, Can You Be a Mother, Too?

Dear Lord, I know your Word says that you are our heavenly father,
And, I cling to that, I do, but today I need you to be more than my father,
Can you be a mother, too?

Lord, you knew my earthly mom so well, so I know it's not news to you. She was so sad, her heart forever broken. There were many happy times, that's true, but she hurt too much, to give praise to you. I wished, forever hopeful, that your love would break through, but I never saw it... so, now, I hold to hope that she's at peace with you. I miss her so much. I miss the promise of the bond I wished we could share. I feel so lonely in that spot where a mother's love should be.
Lord, can you be my mother, please?

Lord, I wanted so much to be a mommy, and I felt that's what you were calling me to be. I wanted so much to give my children the mother's love that never came to me. But, months went by, and no blessings.
And I asked Lord, can you make me a mother, too?

Lord, you answered, and I gave praise to the heavens for the gift you have given me. My son is the greatest joy I have ever known. Sometimes I doubt that I'm doing a good job.
Lord, can you show me how to be a mother, please?

Lord, I asked again for a child. You answered with twins, but then they were gone in the blink of an eye. I miss the feel of them inside of me. I am so broken.
Who will hold them and love them?
Lord, can you be their mother, too?

.

18 Month Checkup

Michael had his 18 month check up today with Dr. Evans. He was a champ and didn't fuss at all until it was time for his vaccination. He is continuing pretty much on his same growth track. He weighs 27 pounds, 10 ounces (75%); he is 32.5 inches tall (52% - really? He seems really tall to me), and of course his head circumference has continued to track above the curve (>95%). Our next frontier will be getting ready for potty training. I'm debating whether to get him his own potty or one of those little ring things you attach to the adult potty. His ears looked better (we've been battling an ear infection for a month!). :)

Happy 18 Months, Michael!

In honor of Michael turning 18 months, I thought I'd put together this slide show with a picture from each month. I still look at him and I'm absolutely amazed by him.

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